Welcome to the site.
Uh... No comprendo el Ductcho?
That's one good. Mixing Dutch and Spanish. I laughed at that.
Welcome to RRU! I'm another non-Dutch-speaking person (actually, I only speak English), so you'll have to speak in English for me too.
These pants and tobasco sauce (?) you're hearing about... we have a lot of *ahem* comedians here, so you'll have to either tolerate it, or learn to just go with it.